Death by angst: A reprieve
by phantom.ryder
Summary: [Yumi x Sachiko] Don't take this seriously. If you try to... you'll just injure yourself. Trust me. This fic is on crack. CHAPTER FOUR: Sei and Youko pull rank on their soeurs. Prepare yourselves for a wedding...
1. Chapter 1

AN/Disclaimer: No money is being made through the authorship of this fiction. The author claims no ownership of characters used as they are all licensed to many more responsible people who would not put their characters through such extensive ridiculousness.

Also… the author does not AT ALL claim that this fiction has any substance, makes any semblance of sense or is in anyway connected to the series. Because that would just be an outright lie.

--

Chapter One:

--

While staring up at the ceiling one New Year's night, Yumi Fukuzawa was suddenly hit with a burst of courage and motivation. She didn't know whether it was because she was in such close proximity to the love of her life or if it was because Sei was poking her while saying 'tell her Yumi, tell her now'.

It could have been one, it could have been the other, perhaps it could have been a combination. We really are _that_ indecisive at this time in the morning… but regardless of what the why actually was, Yumi turned her head a little to the right and said…

"Onee-sama… Aishiteru."

Because Sachiko was still very close and Sei was still poking Yumi, the younger girl cleared her throat, took a deep breath and continued…

"I love everything about you… your eyes, your laugh, your gorgeous super-model looks… though not your gorgeous supermodel attitude, with the hysterics and the yelling at me and the…"

Sei cleared her throat causing Yumi to shoot her a sheepish smile and quickly change the tack of her rant.

"… I think I'll just leave it at I love you," the younger girl finished.

Sachiko, who of course was awake because if she wasn't the plot couldn't progress and no one would continue reading, turned her head and smiled at her wide-eyed petit soeur.

"Awake… onee-sama, you're awake?"

The said 'awake-girl' cupped Yumi's cheek, shifted over to her futon and slowly leaned closer to Yumi… so she could reach beyond her and knock the video-capable cell phone out of a certain Rosa Gigantea's hand.

Sei, who would not be foiled, or rather _could not_ be foiled due to extensive resistance training in insolence, merely smirked and gave Yumi a friendly little push on the back.

(Insert cute little dinosaur sound here)

Yumi being the object of cute in this scene effortlessly fell forward and landed directly on top of a surprised Sachiko.

Supporting herself on an outstretched arm, Yumi looked down at her onee-sama's eyes (note that 'eyes' can easily be replaced with 'lips' or… 'a little lower than that', depending on what kind of mood the reader is in.)

The two lovebirds continued to stare at each other with sparkling eyes while being in serious danger of being wrapped up in another unnecessary 'flower explosion' that tend to crop up during moments like these.

Sei, being the giving friend that she was, saved them from said flower explosion by filming the romantic moment on her cell phone which successfully cut the romantic shoujo-ainess of the scene by at least half. It was a close call.

Flower explosions aside… Rosa Gigantea felt the need to add a little more spice to the situation. With cell-phone in one hand, and her own life in the other, Sei "accidentally" pushed Yumi's 'support arm' resulting in another cute dinosaur sound and the younger girl to fall with a suspicious slow motion effect.

Sachiko showing just how dedicated an onee-sama she was, easily caught her petit soeur (the slow motion helped). No one told her that she had to do it with her lips. She decided that on her own.

"Wow, what excellent footage this is!," Sei whispered to herself. Of course since Sei didn't really have a very well developed library voice it came out at a somewhat conversational volume anyway.

When the two finally parted lips the flushed Sachiko smiled sweetly and delivered one of her seemingly rare lines in this fiction...

"Yumi… I love you too."

--

Somewhere in the vicinity Mr. and Mrs. Sachiko's parents woke in a cold sweat and looked at each other with dread in their eyes.

"She's fallen in love!," Mr. S-P said.

"With another woman?," his wife both asked and confirmed.

"Damn that all-girl's Catholic school! They remove males during the formative years. The formative years!"

--

Close by, in another room a younger man was rousing.

Kashiwagi quickly turned on the light, checked his hand and frantically searched his bedding. Finding only… bedding, the man grinned and held up a victory sign.

"My engagement ring! It's gone! Sachiko's found her true love!"

--

Meanwhile…

"Hmm, hey Yumi, what's that on your hand?," asked Sei who noticed the 'something shiny' on the younger Chinesis' hand. "A ring?! Wow Sachiko… you move fast."

"There's a ring! There's a ring on my finger!" Yumi said with both a surprised gasp and a happy smile.

Sei laughed. "Can't say the same about her Yumi though."

Sachiko's eyes widened and upon closer inspection confirmed that the ring that fit Yumi's finger perfectly was indeed the magical Ogasawara group engagement ring. It could only be worn by the next heir's true love. (In the case that a true love was not confirmed the ring would then pass on to the next heir's most annoying, sexually ambiguous cousin.)

While Sachiko and Yumi were lost in another romantic staring match, Sei took the opportunity to use her cell phone for purposes other than planned blackmail and called her Foetida and Chinesis counterparts.

--

"They did what?!," Youko could be heard screaming over the phone. "Turn this car around immediately. To the Ogasawara estate! … Damn that Sachiko, I didn't even have a chance to meddle my way into this one."

Eriko sat in the back of the car and folded her arms in frustration. 'Another Chinesis-centric drama. This is what I get for being in love with a man. How boring is that?'

"Youko? Youko are you still there?,"Sei asked her cell phone.

"Eriko and I will be there in a minute Sei," said Youko, again confirming her position. "And don't worry about calling the others. I have Yoshino and Noriko on speed dial. They have the best gossip. Expect us all in under a half hour. I may not have been able to foresee the engagement but I'll be damned if I don't get in at least some meddling in the wedding plans!"

A slightly disturbed Sei 'hmm-ed' and hung up the phone.

--

In the boys room.

Yuuki Fukuzawa awoke to the view of Kashiwagi smiling down at him and did the only logical thing he could think of.

The boy ran for his life.

"Kashiwagi-san!," Yuuki screamed. "Why are you chasing me?!"

"Yuuki! I'm not getting married anymore! Look! No ring see!"

"Yes, but… why are you chasing me?!!"

--

Exactly half an hour later…

Sei ran out of the room with Yumi and Sachiko in tow and with the intention of meeting the rest of the Yamayurikai at the front door. When she got there, she found the group already waiting.

Noriko and Shimako let out happy cries and rushed to see the matching rings on Yumi and Sachiko while Sei turned her attention to an annoyed looking Yoshino.

"Yumi and Sachiko are getting married before us?! Yumi and Sachiko! They fight more than they talk! How could this happen? How come nothing cool ever happens to us?!"

Rei reached out and gave the girl a pat on the back.

"I'm sorry Yoshino, but they have that whole 'I love you, I hate you', opposites attract thing going for them."

"I thought if we were going to be beaten down the aisle then it would be by those guys!," Yoshino continued while motioning towards Shimako and Noriko. "They wouldn't have a Catholic ceremony anyway so that's alright! I can accept that. But Yumi and Sachiko! How Rei, how?!"

Before Sei, who was still watching could release some ill-planned humorous statement, Eriko walked over to her younger sisters and shrugged helplessly.

"It's because they have the more interesting family names," the eldest Yellow Rose observed. "Chinesis… Gigantea. Ours is Foetida, I mean… how anti-climactic."

"Exactly! That's exactly it!," Yoshino declared while wrapping an arm around Eriko. "Do you think a re-name is in order?"

"Re-name! I like how you think Yoshino," Eriko replied. "I like the way you think."

Rei released an exasperated sigh.

"How can I be related to you two?"

"How about the '_himeyakajino' _family?," Yoshino offered while successfully tuning out her onee-sama.

"That's not a rose!," Rei complained. "That's not even a word!"

"It's three bits of words mushed together," said Yoshino proudly, expecting praise.

"Think outside the square Rei," Eriko said as she drew her own square in the air. "_Outside_ the square."

Sei looked the Yellow Roses once more before deciding that the situation was getting a little too weird even for her and turned her attention over to Youko's and her own family.

Yumi's ring was still the topic of conversation for the group. The fact that it had certain magical tendencies was being overlooked because those aspects were more technical that romantic and the author is in no way inclined to delve into any in-depth explanations.

While the younger White Roses were still hanging onto the happy Yumi's hand and the eldest White Rose had now taken to messing up the girl's hair, Youko took the opportunity to take Sachiko aside for a little heart-to-heart.

"Sachiko…," Youko began, placing a hand on her petit-soeur's shoulder.

Judging from the seriousness in Youko's features, Sachiko expected a speech full of important life lessons and advice and readied herself for some extreme nodding and several 'yes of course onee-sama's'. Well, she got the advice alright.

Just at that moment, Youko decided to turn her meddling dial on full blast and bombarded Sachiko with suggestions on venues, her hair, the bridesmaids, table settings, dresses, food, guests, the perfect weather, the sad state of the world and of course the set date.

Anyone else would have plainly glazed over by this point but not Sachiko. Sachiko was a lady, so she glazed over in secret.

By the time Youko had finished… or more accurately, by the time Yumi had successfully signalled to Sei that she wanted her fiancée saved from the planning of any more weddings, the sun was coming up. (The meddling Youko could not allow herself to plan only one wedding at a time and was half-way through planning Rei and Yoshino's when she was interrupted.)

--

"Rosa Gigantea! Why did you interrupt while she was planning _our _wedding?"

"Yoshino, you were listening?," Rei asked. "Why were you listening? And what wedding?!"

Yumi took the opportunity to steal the weakened Sachiko away and fled into the house with Noriko and Shimako close on her heels.

"Sweet jasmine tea, stat!," Noriko proclaimed.

Eriko looked up at the sky and stretched sleepily.

"Hey… when was it not night time?," she asked with a yawn as she followed Youko who was looking for Sachiko into the house. "Can it be night time again?"

--

Sei grinned as she checked that all the night's collected footage was safely saved into the memory of her cell phone.

"I have a feeling this is going to be quite the year…"

--

AN: Hmm. Yes well, I was over angst-ing while trying to write the serious fic and… this came out . Things like these just happen sometimes… I sincerely apologise for wasting just that little bit of your life. Fair warning, don't read the next chapter if you want to save your brain cells! XD


	2. Chapter 2

AN/Disclaimer: No money is being made through the authorship of this fiction. The author claims no ownership of characters used as they are all licensed to many more responsible people who would not put their characters through such extensive ridiculousness.

Also… the author does not AT ALL claim that this fiction has any substance, makes any semblance of sense or is in anyway connected to the series. Because that would just be an outright lie.

--

Chapter Two

--

Mr. and Mrs. Sachiko's parents, like their daughter, were wide awake the entire night of Sachiko's impromptu engagement to her petite soeur

But unlike Sachiko's friends, they weren't standing outside their Ogasawara Estate discussing odd topics such as the renaming of the Yellow Rose family. (note: that this colour will only be used until Eriko and Yoshino, ((Rei has washed her hands of the entire affair)), have decided on a new Rose colour as part of their 'anti-Chinesis centric drama' re-vamp)

… or other such matters such as Youko's lack of opportunity to meddle in the engagement and the fact that Rosa Chinesis was secretly in love with Rosa Gigantea… except that wasn't in chapter one. Oops, that's why it's called _sub_-text. If it was in chapter one then it would just be called… you know… text.

No no, Mr. and Mrs. S-P were up all night doing much more socially acceptable acts in the business circles they run in… they were plotting. And because they are the general antagonists of this piece… their plotting skills were way up there with Youko's meddling, Eriko's fretting and arguably, even Yumi's extensive arsenal of facial expressions.

Because of this, by early morning Mr. S-P had already decided on a plan of (literal) attack and sent his three most favourite men in for the job of making sure that Sachiko was not engaged by the end of the day.

--

Arriving directly on cue, the three men were at the door by the time the girls were up and ready for breakfast.

The entire Yamayurikai was in the kitchen except for Sachiko and Yumi who were, for some unexplained reason, falling on and catching each other in Sachiko's room and Sei… who was busy trying to film them. Uh, that is to say… she was busy trying to capture visions of their loving moments… in a completely non-seedy way. For even Sei was interested in pretending to be a lady sometimes…

Hearing the doorbell ring, Youko, not because she was closest to the door, but because she was the most nosy, jumped up to answer it. Being greeted by three, 'gorgeous' men Youko didn't waste a second look.

"Oh, it's men," she said, immediately turning behind her Youko walked back into the kitchen and tapped her friends shoulder. "Eriko, you have guests."

"I do?," Eriko asked but raised her eyebrows as soon as she saw who these 'guests' were.

"Hold on a minute…Youko, did they say they were my guests?"

Rosa Chinesis shook her head.

"No, but they're men so I figured…"

Sei took that moment to walk in, saying that she had just come from her morning shower. Contrary to her likely story, her hair was completely dry and there was a red mark beginning to form on her face that was exactly the shape of one of Sachiko's heels. In any case Sei walked in and surveyed the men in front of her.

"Hey! I know you guys… you're the legendary Ogasawara group army!," she said, not forgetting to point at the men.

Shimako walked up to Rosa Gigantea and lay a hand on Sei's arm hoping that doing so would make Sei stop jumping up and down… it was very unbecoming.

"Onee-sama, how do you know these men?," Shimako asked.

"Oh… I've had a run-in with them two times already," Sei replied. At everyone's questioning looks she nonchalantly shrugged and added… "On the two occasions I accidentally tried to sleep with Sachiko, her father sent them after me."

"You tried to sleep with Sachiko?!," Yoshino asked, her emotions equally divided between surprised and decidedly amused.

Rei massaged her temples and Shimako and Noriko gave everyone apologetic looks. The two younger Gigantea's felt somewhat responsible for anything odd Sei did. Needless to say, their apologetic looks were well practiced.

--

Youko finally picked her jaw up from off the floor and marched over to the blonde.

"What do you mean you tried to sleep with Sachiko? Twice?!"

Sei rubbed the back of her neck and found something interesting on the ceiling to look at…

"Youko, relax… it's not what you think. As I said before I _accidentally_ tried to sleep with Sachiko. I didn't actually want to sleep with your petit-soeur, it's just that, that time I thought she was Yumi."

"Oh my God Sei!," Eriko managed to get out. "You tried to sleep with Yumi?"

"No," Sei replied as if speaking to a small child. "I thought I was trying to sleep with Yumi… what I actually did was try to sleep with Sachiko. Twice."

"Is anyone else writing this down?," Yoshino asked as she held a pen and a piece of paper, eagerly awaiting the Sei's next dramatic revelations.

"Writing? I think I need to lie down," Rei said… and she did so on the kitchen floor.

Shimako and Noriko were still busy bowing while chanting "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," to everyone in the room.

--

Seeing that things were not going too well from her part, Sei decided to add something else to her explanation.

"Anyway that was only the first time! There's no need for all of you to get all unnecessarily worked up about it! The second time, I thought she was Youko!"

"So you wanted to sleep with _me_?," Youko asked hopefully.

"Shush Youko!," Sei said telling the girl off. "As was aforementioned you can't just go turning _sub-_text to actual text… that's just bad business!"

Youko nodded her understanding.

"Fine," Rosa Chinesis said, relenting. "But you and I will sleep together later!"

"Of course!," Sei replied with a grin. "Just stop talking about it now!"

Yoshino giggled and wrote frantically on her piece of paper.

"Man, I am so gonna make millions selling this story," the crazed girl said while kicking her onee-sama who was still on the floor.

"Rei! Rei get up! Quit moping you, we're gonna be rich!"

--

Hearing someone clear their throat, the girls returned their attention to the three strangers in the room.

"Oh that's right the men are still here," Youko observed in a slightly annoyed fashion.

"That's right! The Ogasawara group army," Sei breathed. "I bet they're here to try and disengage Sachiko from Yumi… umm I mean dissolve Sachiko's _engagement_ from Yumi, seriously I swear it wasn't supposed to come out as perverted as that first try."

Eriko rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, sure it wasn't."

--

Shimako and Noriko looked at each other.

"My back is getting tired from all the 'sorry bowing' we've been doing," Noriko complained. Shimako nodded and stretched a little.

"That's one hundred sorry's we've said just this morning…"

--

"Anyway we really have to deal with these three now while the newly engaged couple are still busy," Sei said, once again opening her mouth to her petite soeur's chagrin.

Pushing Eriko closer to the three men, Sei whispered encouragingly…

"Eriko, you're on!," she said while flashing the 'thumbs-up' sign at the girl.

"I'm on?," repeated Eriko confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sei scratched her head.

"What? Well they're men so I figured… you're the one who likes them so…"

"I'm in love with _one_ man! Not the entire other half of our species!"

"Fine, fine," Sei said in a rather exasperated manner. "Look, there's three of them so I'll take one, Youko'll take one and Eriko… just deal alright?"

Youko looked sufficiently confused.

Shimako and Noriko carried on with their apologetic bowing, both wondering why Rosa Gigantea was so intent on punishing them that morning. Yoshino was still daydreaming about swimming in money and Rei…

Rei thought it was safest to stay on the floor.

"What do you mean take one?," Youko finally managed to ask. "Take one where?"

"Sei… what exactly are you getting at?," Eriko said, following-up Youko's question with another. "What is it that you want us to do?"

--

Noriko looked up at the scene that just wouldn't stop unfolding before her and turned to her onee-sama for explanation.

"How could they have been the student council for so long?," she asked Shimako. "… How did our school survive?"

"They weren't always like this," Yoshino replied in the place of her friend… Shimako was still too busy bowing. "Maybe the stupid developed as they got older. Ohh! Or maybe they've been possessed by aliens!"

"They haven't been possessed," Rei said from the floor as she tried to shut out the three Rosa's arguing from invading her already sore head.

--

Suddenly another face entered the kitchen. Apparently Suguru too was after some breakfast…

"Morning girls, sorry to interrupt but I…"

Catching a glimpse of the three gorgeous men, Kashiwagi jumped at his chance and wandered over to them.

"Well hellooo…."

Yuuki, who Kashiwagi had brought with him took the opportunity to run away and while he was doing so, contemplated moving to a remote part of Russia.

Sei turned to Eriko.

"Don't worry… problem solved," she said as she watched Kashiwagi usher the three men away quickly lest one escape."

Grabbing Youko, Rosa Gigantea decided it was time to make an escape of their own.

"Sei, I…"

"Shh! We're running away, don't let them notice us!"

--

Sachiko's room 

Yumi lifted her mouth from her fiancée's for a moment and caused Sachiko let out an uncharacteristic whimper.

"Aww sorry," Yumi said as she cupped the older girl's cheek… and as they both tried to ignore the odd noises that had just started coming from the room next door.

(Ahem, because the author is decidedly kind… and rather indecisive the reader is left to decide which possible couple and er… group is currently residing next door to Sachiko and Yumi.)

"Do you think something odd just happened?," Yumi asked Sachiko. "Maybe we should check on everyone to see if they need any help?"

Sachiko merely flashed her bright eyes at her fiancée and pulled the girl down for another kiss.

"Do we really have to care?," she whispered breathily into Yumi's ear, causing the younger girl to shiver.

"Really… have you ever thought about becoming a super-model? Because seriously you have that attitude down pat…"

--

AN: Wow… you read the second chapter? Really? But that's just a little insane isn't it? Silly, silly readers of mine… you must just love the crazy XD


	3. Chapter 3

AN/Disclaimer: No money is being made through the authorship of this fiction. The author claims no ownership of characters used as they are all licensed to many more responsible people who would not put their characters through such extensive ridiculousness.

Also… the author does not AT ALL claim that this fiction has any substance, makes any semblance of sense or is in anyway connected to the series. Because that would just be an outright lie.

--

Chapter Three

--

_**Half a day later…**_

Sachiko found herself busy dealing with the 'Sei-Youko' situation that she thought was rather disturbing. To put it mildly, the young heiress was sufficiently weirded out, in fact her exact words were "You people need to put an end to this travesty as soon as possible or so help me God…" (the quote ends there for fiction rating purposes… we hope you understand).

Of course she had Rei along with her because the middle child of the Rosa Foetida family duly noticed that Sachiko had on her scary _very angry _supermodel look. Unfortunately for Rei, the help of her onee-sama was not available to her. Eriko was busy wandering about with the love of her life (oddly enough, he was a man so no one really knows or understands what goes on with those two…) who never really makes any important appearances.

Since Sei and Youko were too lost in each others 'eyes' to be able to properly defend themselves from any 'Angry Sachiko' attacks that may be coming their direction, Rei decided that she loved her friends enough to place herself in the line of fire. Though she hoped the Kendo training would be enough, really, no one could be sure.

--

The younger members of the Yamiyurikai, who were currently relieved of their 'onee-sama following around duties' were left to lounge around the Fukuzawa residence.

They thought about staying at Ogasawara estate but with the sounds of two distressed parents plotting carrying throughout the mansion, Yumi thought it was best for her and her friends to relax in a safer location.

--

Yoshino of course, in her relentless quest to torture those around her while wearing the most innocent expression possible, turned to Yumi and let loose a statement she had been thinking upon for a while.

"Hey, don't you think we should be getting one of those little sister things? Rei-chan doesn't want to marry me so…"

"Aren't you cousins?," Yumi asked innocently.

Yoshino gave her a confused look before she opened her mouth and let out the best 'please just shut up and accept what I have to say' statement she could muster.

"Yumi, last night an engagement ring _magically_ appeared on your finger, your fiancée is currently busy dealing with two of the leaders of our student council who seem to have the hormones of deprived teenage males and just this morning, unbeknownst to you, the Ogasawara army was dispatched to dissolve your engagement!"

Yumi nodded as each of these things were being listed out for her benefit and magically forgot about how odd Yoshino's current issue was. She also chose to ignore the distressing news about the Ogasawara army and along with that news, she also had to ignore the memories that came along with it which were (of course) all Sei related…

"Umm ok," Yumi said quickly giving up her argument. "Of course it doesn't matter that you're cousins… I mean, marriage is for two people who really love each other and… it's only a little disturbing…"

Yoshino, who was an expert in only hearing the things she wanted to, beamed and nodded while reaching into her handbag to answer her ringing phone.

--

"Hello? Yoshino here," she said into the receiver.

"Yoshino I can tell you're planning something weird! Stop it immediately! We're cousins!," Rei said through the phone line in a rather exasperated fashion.

"Oh Rei! It's you. What did you say? It doesn't matter that we're cousins? I know! I've just been explaining that to Yumi here!"

Yumi and the two White Roses by her side took the phone call induced opportunity to give their wits a break from the constant bombardment of Yoshino oddness. At that moment in time, the one in the line of fire was Rei.

"Yoshino! I know you know I know that was _not _what I said! Just behave! Or at least pretend to! Please stop planning… Oh geez, I have to go… Sachiko, please calm down! Sachiko what are you doing with that weapon?… my God where did you get that?! Youko stop staring at Sei and tell your little sister to calm down!! Sachiko what are you planning on doing with…Hey! Why did you hit _me_! If you must hit someone at least aim for Sei!"

--

The girls on Yoshino's side of the line all stared at the girl and watched as she calmly put the phone down while wearing a smile on her face.

"Rei-chan's a little busy right now so I think I'll just leave her to it…"

Noriko looked rather impressed and turned to face her 'calm in all situations' onee-sama.

"Rei-sama's intuition is incredible!," she breathed.

Shimako nodded.

"Yes, I agree. Rei is always good at being able to tell when Yoshino's plotting odd things for them. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like she's having much luck with Sachiko…"

"Do you think I should go over and help her?," Yumi inquired.

'Help who exactly?,' the White Roses thought to themselves.

Regardless of the answer to their unvoiced question, both were about to answer in the affirmative when an annoyed Yoshino stood up with her hands on her hips.

Yumi took that as a 'hell no' and poured everyone another cup of tea.

--

Yoshino sat down.

"Right, as I was saying… Yumi, we should really go get ourselves one of those little sister things!"

The girl in question molded her face into her favourite confused expression.

"You mean a petite soeur?," Yumi asked.

"Yeah, one of those," Yoshino replied happily. "One of those little side-kicks that follow us around while slowly but surely falling in love with us! Plus we can boss them around and stuff. The whole set up sounds pretty good to me…"

Yumi scratched her head and wondered how best it would be to disagree with Yoshino while still being allowed to keep most of her limbs.

"Umm, I don't think that's exactly how it works…," she offered nervously.

Yoshino rolled her eyes and motioned towards Shimako and Noriko who were sitting a little way from them and now apparently caught up in their own little world.

Yumi sighed, unlike her onee-sama, the youngest member of the Chinesis family knew when she had lost.

"Point taken," she said and let Yoshino carry on with excessive gloating. "So… Rei-sama won't marry you so you want your petite soeur to?"

"Yumi! Of course not! Geez!"

The young Fukuzawa and Ogasawara-to-be visibly relaxed. "Thank God! Yoshino, I really thought that's what you…"

"We have to find petit soeur first before we can marry them! Duh."

"… meant," Yumi finished rather unnecessarily as Yoshino turned her attention to the couple nearby.

"Hey! You guys quit doing that! Let Yumi and I find petit soeur first and _then _we can all couple up at the same time! You guys are screwing up the order of events!"

--

Yumi put her hand up in an attempt to get someone's attention, at that point, she really couldn't care less who's attention it was…

"Umm… Yoshino, I kind of understand ('the non-existent logic of') your plan but… I'm already engaged so…"

"Yumi! What the heck are you talking about? You're _engaged_ not _married_! For now you will serve as my wing-man! You know it's like those men who go to bars in two's so they can help each other get girls!"

As Yoshino was saying this slightly delusional statement, she made sure not to forget to wrap an arm around Yumi's neck and punch the girls stomach several times in a 'friendly male' fashion.

"Yoshino please stop watching odd programs that teach those stereotypes," Shimako said worriedly. "And also… I think you're hurting Yumi…"

One of the girl's greatest fears was that Yoshino would actually succeed in getting a petite soeur… who was exactly like the girl herself.

"One Yoshino is enough," Shimako breathed.

Noriko nodded and held her onee-sama's hand for support. "I think half a Yoshino would be enough…," the younger girl added.

--

Meanwhile, while the two white Roses were having their little moment, Yoshino again reached into her handbag to answer her ringing phone.

'Geez what's with this thing today?,' she thought.

"Hello? Yoshino here. Is that you again Rei?"

"Uhh yeah… but it's Sachiko who wants to talk to you…"

"Sachi…"

"Yoshino, this is Sachiko Ogasawara speaking. I have a tingling sensation in the back of my neck and feel odd things fluttering about in my stomach. Rei tells me that this probably has something to do with you planning… "odd"… things for my fiancée? If that is so… please refrain."

"Yes ma'am," Yoshino said and immediately let go of the now light-blue coloured Yumi.

The released girl wondered if she should take the opportunity to run from the madness that is Yoshino but found that whatever plan she might hatch would be seriously flawed… they were at her house. At any rate, she did find comfort in Sachiko's voice that was soothingly coming to her from Yoshino's phone.

Curiously enough, the same voice was having a different effect on the owner of the said phone.

Yoshino was nodding calmly and looked like someone who was trying to avoid an unavoidable yelling at while listening to Sachiko's requests.

--

"Thank you," the heiress said. "And also, please inform Shimako that her onee-sama and I have made up. Unfortunately a price had to be paid for this peace and we here have all agreed…"

"Not me…," someone quickly interrupted.

"Rei please don't interrupt… we here have all agreed that in the event that Rosa Gigantea again decides to sleep with me, Yumi or onee-sama…"

"Actually… I don't really mind," Youko proclaimed just before stealing a kiss from the forever smug looking Sei.

"Onee-sama please don't interrupt," Sachiko said in an annoyed manner.

"Shh, Youko! _Sub-text!," _Sei said as soon as the stolen kiss was done with.

--

Sachiko's audible sigh could be heard all the way through the phone line and as she opened her mouth something very _not_-Sachiko-like came out.

"Look Yoshino, just tell Shimako that if Sei tries to sleep with any more Rosa Chinesisis… sis… Chinisesisisis, dammit I don't know what the plural is! Anyway if she tries to sleep with any of us, then Shimako has to sleep with me. Got it?"

"Got it!," Yoshino replied enthusiastically, figuring out somewhere along the way that even in the worst case scenario, nothing bad was planned for her.

"Very well. You have my thanks," Sachiko said, transforming flawlessly back into her original form.

"Sachiko-sama?," Yoshino asked her.

"Yes?"

"You watched that American program I told you to didn't you?"

Before Sachiko could reply Rei took control of the phone and tried to send annoyed vibes through it.

"Oh for the love of… Yoshino, please just… no. Sachiko, I'm so sorry, whatever it was Yoshino made you watch it seems to have done something weird to your brain… hey, where's Rosa Gigantea and your onee-sama? … Sachiko… why are you holding that weapon again?"

--

Yoshino smiled and hung up.

"Well they're busy again so…," Yoshino said before trailing off at the sight of Shimako's expression.

"Yoshino?," the White Rose asked.

"Yes?"

"Did I hear Sachiko-sama correctly?"

"Well judging from that rather disturbed look on your face and the not-so-suspiciously annoyed ones Yumi and Noriko are wearing… I'm pretty sure you did," Yoshino replied.

At that point the doorbell interrupted Shimako's planned softly spoken complaint and Yumi's annoyed dinosaur sound.

"I'll get it!," Yoshino said and bounced towards the door.

Yumi didn't even bother saying anything about the fact that they were all in her house… she just sighed.

--

"Oh Eriko-sama! Did you not get the memo? The adventures for the older half of the Yamiyurikai are taking place at Ogasawara mansion," Yoshino said as she soon as she saw who was at the door.

Eriko nodded as she stepped inside.

"Yes, I was aware of that but the whole situation over there sounded rather dangerous to me so I came here instead. Noticing the three younger girls huddled together on Yumi's sofa, Eriko's 'older sister' instincts perked up. Yoshino what's wrong with the girls? Anything I can do?"

"Probably not… but don't let that get you down, be comforted by the fact that your not trying to sleep with anyone else's 'younger sister' isn't getting anyone else into trouble."

"Oh…k. But Yoshino, what actually happened?"

"Oh, just something weird. There's this kind of agreement… anyway Shimako's chances of getting by unscathed are kind of … non-existent."

Yoshino, Yumi and Noriko then take turns explaining to Eriko the happenings of that mid-afternoon. By the time they had finished, Eriko's eyebrows were pretty much making their way off her face and into the stratosphere.

"But… Sachiko's engaged. That doesn't sound like her at all!"

The younger girls all shot knowing looks at Yoshino who refused to shoulder any of the blame. Instead, the girl just gave a shrug.

"Yeah. Complicated huh."

Eriko nodded, as she successfully got the 'this is somehow Yoshino's fault' vibe from the others.

"And you girls have all been sitting here thinking about how to add two _more_ people to the Yamiyurikai?! Are you insane?"

--

Yoshino raised a hand to interrupt Eriko as she took a look at her busy phone. 

"Oh it's a text message… Rei-chan…"

**Text: **_Yoshino, don't answer that question. It's rhetorical._

"Hmm, understood," Yoshino said and Eriko rubbed the back of her neck.

"Please girls, at least wait until I graduate… I really can't have another Yoshino and another Sachiko running around here."

"Don't you mean another Yumi?"

They all look at their silent host.

"Hmm o… I don't think we're lucky enough to be able to score anther Yumi," Eriko said. "Managing to get someone as normal as her was near to impossible in the first place you know? I'm not really sure how Sachiko managed it."

Just then it seemed that a lightbulb had just lit up above Yoshino's head. For her it meant that she had just come up with a good idea… for the others, it was a warning sign…

--

"Oh! Oh! I know let's try the Sachiko-effect!," Yoshino said.

"And she's ignoring me. Excellent," Eriko mused.

"The what?," Noriko asked against her better judgement.

"They're all ignoring me…"

"The Sachiko effect! Let's all hide behind doors and then suddenly swing them open and fall on unsuspecting younger girls on the other side!"

"Can I pass on this?," Yumi asked hopefully.

"You're the Wingman!"

"So that's a no then…"

Eriko just sighed and poured herself some tea. 

'This is truly the fate of the one in love with the man, nobody wants to read about me… maybe I should just switch sides?…'

--

At school the next day… 

Yoshino, Yumi and a surprisingly Noriko free Shimako were hiding behind one of the classroom doors, about to put 'operation Sachiko-style' into effect.

"So… if I just stand here and pounce on an unsuspecting innocent girl then she'll become my petite soeur right?," Yoshino asked.

"In theory," Shimako answered, wholly unsure of what was going on.

"Well if we're going on the actual "logic" of this… "theory" then wouldn't we also need to set up another Cinderella betting situation AND have three eldest Roses egging us on to get our petites?," Yumi asked, obviously over thinking the situation… (it's a wonder the girl didn't have a panic attack when Sachiko's engagement ring willed itself onto her finger).

--

"Yumi! What on Earth are you talking about? Number one, surely we don't have the budget or manpower to pull that sort of a stunt in this fic _and_ I want my petite soeur now dammit!," Yoshino said. (as if it could have been anyone else…)

Yumi again gave her defeated sigh.

"Understood," she said.

"What was that?"

"Understood… captain."

Yoshino beamed at Yumi's use of her newly learned jargon as Shimako put a comforting hand on the girls shoulder.

"Ooh!," Yoshino suddenly said. "Here comes someone now! Ready steady…"

She then took the opportunity to put her Kendo trained reflexes to good use and pounced on her unsuspecting (victim), a.k.a.: possible petit-soeur to be.

Upon seeing who it actually was, Yoshino tragically found herself to be without her aforementioned reflexes.

--

"Ugh! Yamamura-sensei!"

"Ugh?!," the woman asked, rather offended.

"Ahem, sorry that was a little harsh… the sound I meant to use was 'er' but it came out wrong…"

"Yoshino, please stop explaining. As usual your explanations only serve to confuse me and make my head hurt more," the teacher replied.

With that said, Yamamura-sensei, who was now in need of an ice-pack wandered off in the direction of as far away from Yoshino as possible…

--

"Well now, that didn't quite work out as well as I thought it would," the youngest yellow rose mused, looking more pale and shaken than was usually known as 'classic Yoshino'.

"Shall we try again?," Yumi asked hoping that the girl wouldn't make the next turn hers.

Lucky for Yumi, her friend seemed to still be a little unnerved at sharing full body contact with one of her teachers and was, needless to say, wholeheartedly against the idea.

Turning her attention to Shimako, who tried to go unnoticed for as long as possible using her 'look innocent and fragile, stand in the corner of the room' technique, Yoshino declared the next plan.

"Right! We're off to the gingko trees!"

Shimako raised her eyebrows in the slightest way possible so that only her friends would have had a hope and prayer of actually catching the move…

Yumi and Yoshino awaited her impending statement/question/proposal, they didn't know which exactly was coming so they wore their 'hmm?' expressions just to be safe.

"Gingko trees?," Shimako asked softly. "But… I'm not exactly hungry…"

--

A minute later… 

Because Yoshino wanted to get there as soon as possible and did not disagree with the use of jetpacks (that are not actually that easy to get, hence why we don't actually have the use of them…) and cared even less about the cardiac arrest inducing site of all three petite soeurs to the leaders of the Yamiyurikai sprinting in some unknown direction.

Some fangirls would have surely followed if it were not for Yoshino yelling out "Fangirls don't follow us this time!" every ten metres or so.

--

"Right, so after that running sequence we're here!," Yoshino announced triumphantly. "Shimako… tell us what to do now! … Uh… what the…"

Rosa Gigantea's petite soeur was currently in the middle of proving just how weird she truly was beneath all the 'normal' she liked to portray, and that she was indeed deserving of being Sei Satou's petite soeur by seemingly floating beneath some branch swaying ginkgo trees.

"Wow, she looks regal," Yumi observed.

"Yeah, uh huh. But really does she really have to do whatever it is that she's doing in slow motion? My eyes are having trouble adjusting…"

"This must be where she and Noriko…"

Suddenly the number of Catholic school girls frolicking amongst ginkgo trees doubled as Noriko leapt in from some odd, not actually in the scene, angle.

Yumi and Yoshino stood somewhat awkwardly in the sidelines as the shoujo-ai scene unfolded in front of them.

"Yoshino… do you think we should join in?"

"No… no I don't think so. I don't think I'll be able to meet the kind of girl I'd want as a petite soeur here anyway… geez… slow motion… I'm really getting dizzy, how do they _do _that?!"

As Yoshino was having a rather uncomfortable moment trying to adjust her eyes, she nearly missed the next girl who was scheduled to be flowing into the scene.

--

"Yumi!," the girl said as she caught the hands of her fiancée in her own as they spun around (of course in Yoshino detested slow motion), lost in their own sweet little world.

"Sachiko!"

"Yumi!"

"Sachiko!"

"Yumi!"

--

Rei and Eriko wandered over to the confused Yoshino as they all watched the power of the leading characters overshadow the Shimako-Noriko dance experience taking place nearby.

"What the… where did you people come from? Why are Sachiko and Yumi caught up in a glowing pink cloud?!"

"Don't forget the flowers and sparkles," Eriko provided helpfully.

"And why are there flowers and sparkles?!"

Sei ran in a second later, still attached to a flushed looking Youko.

"Aww geez," the blonde said a little dejectedly. "I couldn't prevent the flower explosion this time…"

She turned to the others around her and the group were soon joined by Noriko and Shimako who gave up their fight for fic time… the flower explosion was restricting their vision.

"So," Sei began. "Does anyone feel like cake? The flower explosion's begun… they'll be at that whole "Yumi! … Sachiko!…" thing for hours."

"But don't we have class?," Yoshino asked.

"Well yeah, but Yamamura-sensei, who seems to be the only teacher that openly teaches at this school, has gone home… I'm not sure why but she was mumbling something about a traumatic experience."

Yoshino cleared her throat.

"Ok!, cake it is!"

--

Fourteen minutes after they leave… 

"Yumi!"

"Sachiko!"

"Yumi!"

"Sachiko!"

"Yumi!"

"How do we escape?!"

"I have no idea…"

"Sachiko!"

"Oh Yumi!"

"Sachiko!"

--

AN: Crack as usual… Hope someone enjoyed it! Thanks for reading! XD

--


	4. Chapter 4

AN/Disclaimer: No money is being made through the authorship of this fiction. The author claims no ownership of characters used as they are all licensed to many more responsible people who would not put their characters through such extensive ridiculousness.

Also… the author does not AT ALL claim that this fiction has any substance, makes any semblance of sense or is in anyway connected to the series. Because that would just be an outright lie.

--

Chapter Four

--

Three white roses were taking a leisurely stroll around a park on a sunny day.

… Two wished they weren't…

"Onee-sama, I really don't think this is a good idea," Shimako said whilst already pre-planning her apologies for those affected by whatever Sei was plotting. "I mean, shouldn't you be focusing more on graduation? … and less on taking part in odd plots?"

Sei turned towards her petit soeur and sent over a wolfish grin. And because she was Sei who never did anything half-assed, she also managed to procure some 'wolf ears' from somewhere and deposited these directly on top of her head.

Luckily, Noriko and Shimako knew better than to ask… they were too afraid Rosa Gigantea would give them a straight answer, so they just stared.

"Shimako, Shimako, Shimako," Sei said as she adjusted her wolf ears. "You can prance around gingko trees but you can't humour your onee-sama's plans? I'm hurt. Deeply hurt."

Adding a few well timed sniffles to her statement, Sei knew that she had Shimako right where she wanted her.

'Baaaait…,' Noriko thought as stood back while watching the whole affair.

She wondered to herself whether or not she should help her onee-sama. As much as she loved Shimako, she knew Sei was a formidable opponent in these odd affairs and decided to hold back in the end.

"Onee-sama I...," Shimako managed to get out, proving to Sei that she was right.

"But! I suppose I can forgive you on the grounds that you really were just thinking of me right?"

'Aaaand switch," Noriko finished in her head as Sei continued.

"So I shall stop my plotting, and hand the whole thing over to you!"

Shimako merely nodded as she found herself stuck in between a rock and another place that made her eye twitch and her insides go all mushy. Needless to say, she preferred the rock…

'Ok, note to self: Never be the voice of reason. Voice of reason always ranks highly on the list of injuries when spending time with Rosa Gigantea,' thought Noriko as she continued to follow her two elders from a safe distance.

Taking a deep breath in, Shimako tried her last ditch plan to get out of her current predicament.

"Onee-sama should we really carry on? You know _Sachiko-sama_ isn't ever pleased with these plots. And remember that time you accidentally found out that she was actually familiar with all the use of _all those weapons?_"

Shimako ended her statement and gulped as she nervously waited for the verdict of Sei's re-think.

"Wow Shimako, you make a good point there," Sei said after a little while. "Too bad for you, Sachiko's busy being dealt with herself, wink wink nudge nudge."

For all those who missed that, Sei actually did _say_ 'wink wink nudge nudge,' but that's an unnecessary additional statement for the author to point out… Shimako and Noriko didn't miss Sei's meaning.

The girl's extensive blood loss through the nose should be enough testament for that…

"Whoa," Sei said simply, while watching the younger two struggle to hold handkerchiefs to their noses.

"You guys must have some pretty dirty minds," she continued to muse aloud.

"I only meant that Youko told me she was planning on sitting them down today for some pretty serious meddling so I shouldn't worry about Sachiko but… looks like what you two were thinking was waay more interesting. So, tell me… who was on top?"

A minute later, after some further blushing, Shimako and Noriko finally stopped bleeding and Sei had finally stopped laughing.

Wiping tears from her eyes, Sei smiled and shook her head.

"Honestly you two… why on Earth would you be thinking such dirty thoughts about Sachiko and Yumi? Well alright, maybe I should have just said from the very beginning that Sachiko was under control and Youko was on my side all along. We sleep together you know. Often."

--

Meanwhile… (because we have to move along to a new scene on the grounds that two out of three characters from the previous one have gone and fainted.)

Sachiko and Yumi found themselves sitting in the Rose Mansion. With the door locked and Youko standing before them.

"Umm onee-sama?," Yumi asked.

"Hmm?"

"Why does Youko-sama have a whiteboard?"

"I'm not quite sure why that is Yumi," Sachiko answered. "And I also have no idea why she's called this special meeting just for the two of us, nor the reason why there's an odd website written near the top of that whiteboard that seems to be related to people getting ordained online so they can hold marriage ceremonies."

Yumi nodded, dutifully impressed that Sachiko could so easily read into her questioning. And that Sachiko's gorgeous supermodel efficiency allowed her to answer all of them in one handy sentence.

"Alright then," the younger girl replied. "… I don't suppose asking why she's dressed up like a minister would be very helpful either?"

Sachiko just shook her head.

--

_Somewhere nearby…_

"Yoshino, hurry up! We have to get to the Rose Mansion!"

"Why?!," Yoshino answered with a whine. " Why do we always have to run around trying to solve the drama and further the plot? Can't we just kiss?"

"How many times do I have to tell you?! We're _cousins! _And of course we have to go and solve this issue! Otherwise we wouldn't even be written in!_"_

"So?! I just wanna kiss dammit! That whole 'get a petite soeur' idea failed miserably and you're the one I want anyway so just kiss me!"

"Yoshino just come on!," Rei said as she tried not to picture lips coming towards her. "Faster! We need to get there faster!"

The youngest Yellow Rose sighed and gave up, opting instead to lightly smack the side of Rei's head.

"It doesn't matter how many times you say that to me Rei-chan, we're just not gonna get there any faster. We're on a bus you baka."

Rei nodded and struck a sheepish pose.

"I know… sorry, just nervous."

"So can we kiss now?"

"Cousins!!"

--

Back in the Rose Mansion…

"Right, are we already?," Youko asked.

Sachiko and Yumi shot each other confused looks.

"Ready for what one-sama?," Sachiko asked. "We're the only ones here… and we've spent the last half an hour waiting for you to try and move the whiteboard out of the way."

"Great, we'll proceed then," Youko said with a smile and the useful and interesting personal trait of being able to block out important things other people say.

"Proceed?," Yumi asked with a soft voice. Her Yumi senses (somewhat akin to the 'Spidey sense' except named differently so there wouldn't be any confusion or copyright issues), were tingling and she was getting increasingly nervous."

'Just what is Youko-sama up to?," Yumi asked in her head.

"Why I'm here to marry you two of course!," Youko answered.

"Oh, I asked that aloud, oops," Yumi said. "… wait… you're here to what?!"

The young woman then proceeded to run around the room.

"Run away! Sachiko we have to run away! I want a white wedding! With my family present, and the rest of the Yamiyurikai! She's gonna marry us! Run away!"

"Yumi sweetheart, please calm down, she can't marry us with just a whiteboard and a website," Sachiko said calmly while holding a hand out to the love of her life.

Surprisingly, Yumi didn't take it and instead used her own hand to point at the something that looked suspiciously like an online diploma sitting on top of the table.

Sachiko nodded, still calm and said softly: "Hmm. She might have us with that Yumi."

Yumi nodded vigorously.

"Run away Sachiko! Join me in the trying to run away!"

"Ahem," Youko began, again using her 'blocking-out' skills to full effect. "We are all gathered here today to witness the joining of Yumi Fukuzawa and Sachiko…"

"Aaargh! Youko-sama please don't marry us yet, we don't have any guests! Where is all our excessive kitchen accessories and whiteware going to come from? I demand multiple toasters! Sachiko do something!"

Youko nodded and smiled, still having no clue as to what Yumi just said and merely motioned for the girl to sit down before continuing with the opening words of the ceremony. 

"… and Sachiko Ogasawara in Holy matrimonywhich is commended to be honorable among all men; and therefore – is not by any – to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly."

"Youko-sama, you're not listening to a damn thing you're saying!"

"Yumi, please don't swear," Sachiko said.

"That's all you have to say?! One of us is sleeping outside tonight missy and I'm pretty sure it's not going to be me!"

"Ahem!!," Youko said rather loudly, still smiling. "By the power vested in me…"

"How did you get to that part so fast?!," Yumi demanded to know.

"That was very efficient onee-sama," Sachiko mused.

"… by unnecessarily marry your friends and family without their permission dot com, I know pronounce you…"

"I object!!," Rei said as she burst through the door, Yoshino walking calmly in a second later.

"Can she do that? Tell me she can do that!," Yumi said excitedly.

Youko frowned.

"Damn, I think I read somewhere that she can do that… Rei why did you go and do that?," she demanded to know.

"I apologise Youko-sama but you really shouldn't go…"

"By the power vested in me… by unnecessarily marry your friends and family without their permission dot com, I know pronounce you Mrs and Mrs Rei and Yoshino Hasekura-Shimazu," Youko said, not even bothering to interrupt Rei.

Yumi, Sachiko, Rei and Yoshino stared at Youko with three out of four having their jaws resting on the floor.

"What in the hell just happened here?!," Rei demanded to know as soon as she picked her jaw up.

Feeling a comforting hand on her shoulder, she turned to look at Yumi.

"Rei-sama, please accept my apologies and congratulations at the same time," Yumi said.

Sachiko beside her nodded.

"We'll mail you and Yoshino your toaster. Multiple if you wish," she added to Yumi's statement before they exited the room with a very pleased looking Youko.

"I didn't go through all that online hassle without being able to marry _someone _today!," Rosa Chinesis said as the three of them walked down the stairs too bad the bundle I ordered only came with one verified wedding… now I can't do anymore."

Back in the room left behind… a still confused Rei could be found with a very pleased looking Yoshino.

"Wow Rei-chan, we're married now huh! Too bad we don't get those cool magical rings that Sachiko-sama and Yumi have. That's a little unfair but…"

"Yoshino," Rei said suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Just shut up and kiss me."

Yoshino grinned.

"You sure? But we're…"

"Married."

--

Back at the park… Shimako and Noriko had finally come to and the elder of the two made her way to an attractive young woman sitting on a nearby bench.

Since Sei wasn't so cruel of an onee-sama, she had at least armed the girl with notes on what to say.

Shimako again took a deep breath as she reached the woman and read off her notes.

"Umm, excuse me, my name is Shimako and I was just wondering… would you be interested in having a girlfriend? You see I know this fantasmic girl…"

"Psst Shimako! It says fantastic!," Sei yelled and whispered at the same time.

"Right, sorry, I know this fantastic girl named Eriko…"

--

Torri household.

Eriko woke up from her nap in a cold sweat…

"Oh my God… I think I just inherited Rei's trait of knowing when odd things are being planned for me… being friends with Sei should at least come with a warning label…"

--

AN: Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed yourself! XD More soon should time and interest permit!

--


End file.
